I have asked Him recently what His definition of “fix it” is. I think I need a copy of his dictionary. Twila Paris sings a song that starts out “hard as it seems, standing in dreams, where is the dreamer now? Wonder if I wanted to try would I remember how?” This is where I find myself. It’s like I’ve woken up to find I’m doing nothing. In some respects it’s like I’ve been snuffed out; in other respects it’s as if I turned things off by my own choices. Either way, I’m awake. Now what?
The song goes on to say: “I don’t know the way to go from here, but I know that I have made my choice. And this is where I stand until He moves me on. And I will listen to His voice. . . .Couldn’t it be that He is only waiting there to see if I will learn to love the dreams that He has dreamed for me?” I am frustrated because I don’t know where to turn or what to do. I feel like I’m wasting my talents. I am not used to sitting around, and I certainly don’t like excuses. So ~ how did I find myself here?
The part of the song I skipped goes like this: “this is the faith: patience to wait when there is nothing clear. Nothing to see. Still we believe Jesus is very near. I cannot imagine what’s to come but I’ve already made my choice. And this is where I stand until He moves me on. and I will listen to His voice . . .Can’t imagine what the future holds, but I’ve already made my choice. And this is where I stand until He moves me on! And I will listen to His voice.”
I don’t understand this place of seeming uselessness. Maybe one day I’ll look back and see what a pretty part of the tapestry this time of life created on the whole picture. Maybe this will only be a grayish-brown path that walks us through to the rest of the picture. One thing is for certain, no matter how I perceive this time of my life, God sees the whole picture. So! we press on!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Bg2cJ5bw2k
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