As long as I've dreamt about having children, I've pictured four. Four little beauties who laugh and play. Four little tricksters who hide behind the door, giving their place away with giggles, but still jump out to yell "BOO!" Four big hearts who love God and look out for their neighbor.
We have that. Almost
We have 3.
It's been dark here recently. It's been cold and uncertain. We haven't had any security for tomorrow except a very real promise from the Savior that our needs will be met. Not a stone, but bread.
His eye is on the sparrow, right? "so I know He watches me," so the saying goes.
Suddenly, in December, everything changed. There was a flicker. A flicker of better days ahead. A reminder that God knows our dreams and desires. How could we manage? God would provide. This changes everything! and all of us were excited.
We're gonna have a baby.
It's Christmas. It's a New Year. and by the end of the year, we would have another child in the house. A fourth little trickster... little beauty .... little life.
It's April now. There will be no baby. No little life on this earth. When we lost the baby, I think I lost my hope with it. No flicker, only a taunt. Like dangling a carrot in front of a donkey. A tease. There is no money. There is no forward motion.
It seems that whatever we've longed for in recent months (and those months have turned into years before I was ready), has not come to pass. It's as if every dream has turned to empty crypts - dark and dank. As if to imply their only reality was death.
We're back to cold uncertainty.
Hard as it seems
Standing in dreams
Where is the dreamer now?
Wonder if I wanted to try
Would I remember how?
I don't know the way to go from here,
But I know that I have made my choice.
And this is where I stand until He moves on
And I will listen to his voice
This is the faith:
Patience to wait
when there is nothing clear.
Nothing to see.
Still we believe Jesus is very near.
I cannot imagine what's to come,
But I've already made my choice.
And this is where I stand until he moves me on,
And I will listen to his voice.
Couldn't it be that He is only waiting there to see
If I will learn to love the dreams that He has dreamed for me?
Can't imagine what the future holds
but I've already made my choice.
And this is where I stand until He moves me on
And I will listen to his voice
~ Twila Paris
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLKQ41QjdMA
