Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent

This is a rare post for me.  It is deeply personal and difficult.  As a result, it might be reminiscent of my early blog posts - meaning, a little choppy with incomplete thoughts.

Imagine that you take a trip to Sweden, or any foreign country.  You are trying to go about with your daily life; everyone is talking to you, and everyone assumes you understand what has been said to you.  But you don't understand.  You don't speak the language.  You're trying, but it's not quite sinking in.  Now, imagine that is the first 6 years of your life.  Those formative years.  You feel lost and unsure every day.
I've just described for you my son.
I have a beautiful, intelligent son who also has a learning disability.  He has struggled with a significant receptive language delay for years.  We discovered the delay when he was 3 years old.  This is deeply personal because it's heartbreaking.  He is smart.  He picks up on more then I think.  This young man, created "fearfully and wonderfully" by the hands of our Creator, should never feel inferior.  But he knows enough to know he's not meeting the standards.  And it makes him timid in new situations.  It overwhelms him with the desire to cut and run, or hide off in the corner, or under his bed covers.  He has ideas and intelligence just waiting to burst out of him, but he has difficulty grasping everything being told to him.

When he was young, and after we had discovered the language delay, the kinds of questions we would get from family was "what exactly is wrong with him?"

Excuse me - I don't think I heard you right.  What's wrong with him? your grandson?  your nephew? my son?  Ouch!

What?!

They saw a young man who didn't respond immediately when asked to do something.  A little boy who would sit with his toys for 3 minutes or so after you said "come up for dinner".  But then, if left for those minutes, he would suddenly jump up and come.  Yes, it sunk in.  But to them, they saw a child who didn't obey - ergo, there's something wrong with him.  It's true they were just trying to understand how he operates.  But it's hard on the mom  to hear how great and special the other children in the family are - and we have the one that's got "something wrong".  Ouch!

In first grade he came home with a verse to memorize.  Exodus 4:12.  It's God - I AM - speaking to Moses at the burning bush.  He tells Moses "Now go! I will be with your mouth and I will teach you what to say." Oh, then the tears came.  I claimed that verse for my son on the spot.  That same paper, with his own markings on it, is still on my cabinet.

We're in a new school this year.  A school, as it turns out, he loves.  A school with a fantastic team to work with him.   I think his speech teacher is listening.  His homeroom teacher is really more wonderful than I imagined was possible.  His special education teacher is completely going the extra mile.  I'm so grateful to them.  But, there's that warning light flashing, and it makes me want to wrap my arms around my son to ward off the darts.  I'm uneasy and disheartened by the Vice Principal and her preconceived ideas about him.  It is exhausting to have to say the same things over and over again.  Is anybody listening?

About the first week of school he was asked to give a speech in front of his class.  No big deal.  Tell the class about yourself.  Easy, right?

Oh no! my heart screamed.  

Followed immediately by - did he just see the look on my face?
My insides seized and cramped up as I looked over the assignment.  What is he going to say?

And then a familiar verse crept into my heart "Go! I will teach you what to say"

YHWH - I AM - will teach my son what to say.
This is an excerpt of one of his practice speeches

Quand faut y aller faut y aller

I will call upon the Lord
Who is worthy to be praised
So shall I be saved from my enemies

The Lord liveth!
Blessed by the Rock
Blessed be the Rock of my salvation!
(2 Samuel 22:4)

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

The most embarrassing thing to have ever happened to me happened yesterday.  That is saying something because I've had some crazy embarrassing things happen.  I've walked into the men's room.  I've turned the wrong way down a one way street.  Called the wrong person on the phone and carried out an entire conversation.  I've had my bathing suit fall off in front of a crowd of people.

But yesterday beats them all.  We had our car repossessed yesterday.  In front of our children, our neighbors and passers-by - a man in a truck pulled into our driveway, backed up to our car and hauled it away.  It was humiliating.  You're trying to hold your head up, but what can you say?  Taking the nightly walk down the street, you can't help but wonder if those normally pleasant neighbors are ignoring you on purpose or whispering about you as you pass by.

I'm also quite frustrated - I am tired of hearing all the excuses and finger pointing.  Yes, it's true our government is not conducive to starting a small business.  Yes, it's true that we have one of the worst Presidents in our history.  Yes, it's true that he had a raw deal.  But it's also true that this life is hard.  Life is what it is, and that's the way it goes.  Or! we could say "this is our fault; I've contributed to this problem" - stop with the blaming others; blaming circumstances; holding anger at others.

Life plays out, and as it's playing, we're making decisions.  Those decisions lead us to the next movement of the sonata.  Sorrowful music is often the most beautiful.  There is such emotion in those scores.  It's not good; it's not bad; it is what it is.  Accept it, and by God's grace and following His principles, make it better ~ for His glory.

"Whatever you do in word or deed, do all to the glory of God."

I want God's best on my life.  The way to find God's best is in His presence where there is fulness of joy.  It's reading and following the precepts of God's Word - the Word that is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

Even Job who did everything right lost everything.

Our precious Savior, Jesus Christ, was brutally abused and murdered and yet, without sin.

We have to play the cards we've been dealt.  We have to check and double check our decisions so we align with what the Bible spells out.  We have to do everything in our power to do this right, and then we have to take what's happening.  Dealing with it without grumbling and disputing.

We all talk about being transparent.  This is as real and transparent as it gets - no hiding from the repo man.

It's the little things

I was in my bedroom as I heard little feet shuffle down the hallway and into the bathroom.

I was sitting in the church service when I heard little hands tapping the page in the Bible as they followed along with the pastor.

I was serving lunch as I heard a muffled "amen" followed by a slurp of the soup.

It's the little things that bring joy.  When the children were born, Grandma would always marvel and say, "You have to teach them everything."  A baby has to be taught to eat, to walk, to dress, to speak.  We are always correcting and teaching.

Don't you think that's how God is with us? We have to be taught everything - who God is? Why did Jesus die? How to live as a Christ follower.  Can't you see Him smile when we shuffle into His routine? or gratefully remember Him before we eat or dress? or when we diligently seek Him through His Word must be so sweet to Him.

God made us to honor Him and He delights in us.
Paul writes in Colossians that "whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.  You are serving the Lord Christ."
When you play, when you eat, when you work, when you interact, when you wind "up" for the day and then when you wind down - do it for the Lord.  Let Him smile and be delighted in His creation.

So, You're Sick

We have become a society of germophobes.  Cover your mouth - better yet, stay home - sick people have no business walking around infecting people.

So what do we do? We wash our hands. We grab our Clorox wipes and keep things wiped down. We call our schools, who insist on knowing more than the nurse knows, to inform them of our various and sundry runny noses.

I am poking a little fun, but in all seriousness, we should take care not to spread our germs as much as is possible - and, as long as our fear doesn't over take our love for humanity.  What a great opportunity we have in the church to show love again.  In a time when people treat the common cold almost as if it were leprosy.  We must yell out "unclean, unclean, Achoo!" But instead of responding in horror - we can respond with some chicken soup; with some groceries; with our cleaning kit - with a cup of coffee and conversation for a mom who's been stuck at home for three days with sick children.
I hear all the time "I'm too busy to be sick."  Goodness! I've said that!  I've begged God to help me stay well and keep the children healthy through flu season.  Last year, we became ill and could not participate at church.  I apologized after the fact to one of our pastors for putting them in a pinch - and his response was "we don't want you here. Stay at home." Well, I guess - yes.  We're staying home.  But it was that phrase "we don't want you here." Boy, that connotes self-centeredness and no concern for the fellowman.  It belays an attitude for "me".  Concern and love for the fellow Christian would have said "I'm glad you're here now" Or, "are you feeling better? Is there anything I can do for you?"
Oh, Lord, let my love for my fellow man move me to encourage and befriend my neighbor!

I Peter 2 says "Dear friends, I warn you as temporary residents and foreigners to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls. Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors...For you are free, yet you are God's slaves, so don't use your freedom as an excuse to do evil. Respect everyone, and love your Christian brothers and sisters. Fear God, and respect the king."

This is a link to a favorite story of mine.  A story about early Christians who stayed while everyone else fled.

http://www.thetruthproject.org/about/culturefocus/Rev-Sirico-on-the-Early-Church.aspx

A Lot Can Happen In an Day

We have had crumbling steps for about 15 months now.  Between cloud bursts, we had our steps replaced over two days in mid-May.  I didn't get the camera out in time to capture all the work - and clean up! - it took to complete the project.  The piles of stone in my yard are an indication, however.  

 Our front door was also rusting at the bottom.  So Scott and Jim decided to replace it at the same time.

The house is so full of light - that just one window is allowing in.  The kitchen is brighter; the steps are better lit; the living room is more inviting.
They did a great job.  It was not expected - hopefully the finishing touches will be completed soon (or that could become another blog post: "a job half-done is undone")

You really never know what a day will bring.

If the church doors closed...

My dad always said, "If the church doors are open, we're going to be there!"  And we were.  Every service, every event, many Saturdays and special occasions.  We were at church.  It was a second home.  Filled with people who we grew to love like family and who prayed for us and cared for us.  We weren't perfect, but we did the best we knew how as we sought the Lord.  I learned what the Bible says both in classes designed for my age group and in sitting with my parents in "big church"; I learned how to pray from watching adults pray together; I learned to care for my neighbors and look out for one another as we set out to encourage and meet needs.  Much of what I am is a result of the church, and the church people, I was privileged to attend and to know.  I am grateful to the Lord and grateful to my parents.

Recently, I've heard it said - "If our church doors closed, would our community mourn?"

Would our community mourn?

I don't understand.

 

If we, as a church, are doing God's will and following both Christ's example in Scripture and the principles spelled out in His Word, then we will be meeting needs of the people of our community. They will, hopefully, be drawn to Jesus Christ, and then they will choose to be a part of our church in order to grow in the Lord and continue serving Him in our community.  If that's not happening, the doors should close.

I think a better question is, "If our church doors are open, is God mourning?"

The chief end of man is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever. 

I can think of plenty of people who were not happy with Jesus or with the apostles or with Paul.  There were many communities that threw the disciples out; that stoned Paul (who watched as Stephen was stoned); that crucified the Lord.  In this statement, "If our church doors close, would our community mourn?", we are looking only at the temporal.  The focus is on the immediate.  Why is it important for the community to want our church open? what need are we meeting?

What need are we meant to meet?

• Do justly, love mercy, walk humbly with our God.
• Visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction; keep [yourself] undefiled from the world
• Love your enemies.

Even if the building doors were to close by some act of the government, God's plan would still be accomplished.  Jesus Christ said, "...I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it." (Matthew 16:16)

So we should be asking ourselves, why? Why does God close a church? We see as the church is being formed that God deals with members of the church - i.e., Ananias and Sapphira, members of the Corinthian church who misused the Lord's Table, etc.  But the church itself remained in tact as they were admonished.  Our God is merciful and slow to anger.  What would cause Him to close a church?  Revelation 2 gives us some insight.  It's written to the angel of the church in Ephesus.  "This complaint I have against you.  You don't love me or each other as you did at first...If you do not repent, I will come and remove your lamp stand from its place among the churches." How are we to let our little lights shine if the lamp stand has been removed? For the Christian, I cannot think of anything worse.

The pastor at the church I grew up in has a saying, which he phrased along with several other pastors in the city.  They say, "We want to make it very difficult for the people in Jackson, Michigan, to end up in hell."  Here the focus is on eternity.  There is an urgency.  It wouldn't matter if the church doors closed because the Church, God's children, would still be active.  We want to think about what's going on with the lost and broken outside the walls of the church building, but we want them to care about their eternal soul.  

Matthew 5: 20-48

"But I warn you - unless your righteousness is better than the righteousness of the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven...I say, if you are angry with someone, you are subject to judgment. If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court.  And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell. If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God... You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury... But I say, do not resist an evil person. If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat too.  If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles. Give to those who ask, and do not turn away from those who want to borrow.  I say, love your enemies. Pray for those who persecute you. In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven.  For He gives His sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike... If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect."

Lighthouse

What a fantastic song! Rend Collective is definitely a creative and diverse band.  This song makes me feel like summer - roll down the windows, wind on my face, sing at the top of my lungs - Summer!

"I won't fear what tomorrow brings
With each morning, I'll rise and sing
My God's love will bring through
You are the peace in my troubled sea"

This post is a throwback to my post from February 25.  Has my focus remained on the Rock throughout this long winter? It's been cold and gloomy for days on end.

"Fire before us
You're the brightest
You will lead us through these storms"

Jesus said "You are the light of the world - like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to seem so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father." (Matthew 5:14-16)  Let's be a reflection of Jesus Christ today. In whatever circumstance we find ourselves - whomever we interact with - be the lamp that lights up the entire house!!

Let Brotherly Love Continue

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body.

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

So we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?"

These are the first few verses from Hebrews 13.  I love this passage because it gives such practical ways to "continue brotherly love".

In honor of my 50th post, I have decided to post my thoughts, such as they are, on the passage. They may seem random, I hope not. I hope the bottom line shows up: love one another.  Really love - by esteeming the other person as better than yourself.  Let it continue.  

The first is having real empathy - show hospitality to strangers and remember those who are in prison.  Where I'm concerned, I'm pretty aloof. I have spent most of my life content in my bubble, to the extent that even the "what" in the world I gave attention to was only what I deemed important. This is an embarrassing admission, especially from someone who dutifully bought Angel Tree gifts for years. Because, I didn't really care about those in prison. And possibly only pitied those families I was "helping out". 

I grew up driving past the largest walled prison in the world, and yet I had become numb to the prisoner.  We even had a post card of the prison with the caption "Having a great time. Wish you were here!" 

Not that the humor in the card is wrong, but the truth is I am called to remember.  We need to have empathy for our fellow brothers and sisters.  God says remember those in prison as if YOU ARE IN PRISON WITH THEM. It doesn't say "unless they're guilty" or "unless they deserve to be there". It simply says to remember them - and remember them as if you were there with them. What if it were me? What if I were away from my family and loved ones? my routine? What about the guilt and fear that would plague me? What a lonely existence, and how lonely I would be!! Remember them.

The next verses say "let marriage be held in honor".  Right now in America there is a ruling under debate in Colorado about pre-marital counseling. The state wants to require couples to go through pre-marital counseling before tying the knot.  I think pre-marital counseling is a great idea (leaving politics out of it);  I would much rather see the state make it more difficult to dissolve a marriage - the contract under the authority of the government and the covenant with the Living God.  Honor means to dignify; to venerate; to exalt.  Do that! So we, as a  people, would understand the value and beauty of a life that perseveres.   

The final idea is that of contentment.  It seems unattainable.  Images of the younger, more beautiful; the better educated; the manicured lawns and the exquisitely dressed.  How little I have / how little I'm worth compared with how much we want / how much they're worth.  We want so much in life - we are, in fact, told to attain to certain positions, buy certain clothes, keep up with appearances.  As I type, I keep hearing a song in my head "the grass is always greener; the sky forever blue; we all know there's something better there for us to do"  What we have is not our goal.  Didn't we hear it all the time "you can't take it with you".  In fact, Scott and I have some very nice things in our house.  Beautiful dishes from grandma; this computer I'm typing on; charming design in the living room - and, it's home.  Our children are comfortable and safe.  We've made memories here.  On the other hand, we also have frayed edges and battered walls; crumbling brick and weathered pipes.  The list of maintenance needs, coupled with the desire to upgrade, has left us feeling empty ... and a little consumed.  Instead of nursing that emptiness, our heart's cry should be "the Lord is my helper!" and "I will not be afraid!"  I just think it's a matter of perspective.  Where our treasure is, there will our heart be also... right? Be content with what you have.  Build for myself treasure in Heaven.  And when we're content, we can love our "brother" who maybe has a little more than we have; we aren't concerned with keeping up with the Jones's; we can see beyond the material facade to the heart of the person created by God - and then we're able to love them the way Christ does.

These are my thoughts.  Let brotherly love continue.

Sinking Sand

Earlier this year, one Sunday morning we talked about the wise man and the foolish man - a parable of Jesus from the Bible.  The foolish man built his house on the sand.  When the storm blew in, his house and home were lost.  In contrast, the wise man built his house on the rock where it was able to withstand the storm.

I have been thinking about Oh! so many different tangents that follow this story.  Applications to my life and my heart.  I will share some of them here - and see if you can follow my crazy line of thinking.

First is the obvious - what am I trusting in? Living a life here on this earth requires we have an understanding of eternity.  Jesus phrases it "abide in me".   He says, "I am the vine; you are the branches."  When a decision comes - when a societal issue arises - when it comes to my interaction with my children and my neighbors - am I basing my conversation on a life that abides in Jesus Christ.  Is my mind filled with the wisdom that comes from Scripture? Psalm 1 talks about a tree that is planted by the rivers of water that yields fruit in season.  So, I ask myself - where am I getting my counsel from? my delight?  If I am wise, I will look to the law of the Lord and meditate on it.  All too often we look at the immediate because that is all we see in front of us.  Our decisions come from what we think is right - or how a decision will makes us feel or will make someone else feel.  God is interested in our feelings, but He is most interested in justice and mercy and humility.  Faith in God causes us to pause and an understanding the Scripture causes us to remember.

Spiritually speaking, we could look like this when we trust in the name of the Lord:

As Paul exhorted us "having done all, to stand."  

There is a person in that lighthouse.  Do you see him? How small he looks compared to the roaring sea. The crashing waves.  Despite the sturdy workmanship of the lighthouse, he still appears to be in danger.

This led me to another strain of thought.  Life is perilous at times.  Don't jump ship!  Trust in the name of the Lord our God!  We are not the lighthouse.  God is the lighthouse.  God is our refuge and strength - a very present help in times of trouble.

I love this old hymn - "The Lord's our rock in Him we hide. A Shelter in the time of storm. Secure whatever ill betide. A shelter in the time of storm.  Jesus is the rock in a weary land, a weary land, a weary land. Oh, Jesus is the rock in a weary land. A shelter in the time of storm."

Isn't that precious truth? I'm weary - and I've capitalized on that recently listening to Worn by Tenth Avenue North. 

(What's that? you want to hear the song? … ok, we've got time for that…

This link will take you to their Godtube video.  I'll wait...

Worn by Tenth Avenue North

Moving on...)

Don't get me wrong.  I enjoy and appreciate this album and Worn in particular.  What I realized is this, recently,  my focus has been wrong.  My mountain lodge is about to become a beach condo.  What is all this focus on me - on  my feelings - on my strength… No, no! We may be in a weary land, but the subject of that sentence is Jesus!!  Focus on where our strength comes from.  Focus on the miracle of the shelter.  Turn your eyes to the one who is walking on the water!! 

Once my sister shared an analogy with me.  Something she used to explain her walk with the Lord.  She explained that she pictures her walk with the Lord like a harbor.  When you're in the harbor, you can see how far you've drifted from the dock.  In the harbor there is safety.  But there is a lure to the open waters.  something that tugs at you.  However, when you turn and set your sights out on the sea, you can be miles away and have no real idea how far you've been swept.   Only once you navigate back to the harbor can you see how far you'd gone.

From sinking sand, He lifted me!!  He will lift you too.  

Psalm 31: 1-3

"In you, O Lord, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame;

In Your righteousness deliver me!

Incline Your ear to me; rescue me speedily!

Be a rock of refuge for me; a strong fortress to save me!

For You are my rock and my fortress; and for Your name's sake You lead me and guide me

You take me out of the net they have hidden for me; 

For You are my refuge."

A Picture is Worth 1000 Words

I had the great privilege of working in the largest gallery of inspirational art in the southern United States during the mid-1990's.  Because I was on the custodial crew, I was able to observe and study these paintings and sculptures while no one else was in the building.  There were some paintings that were as small as a street sign, but many of these portraits would fill your entire wall - if it would fit in your house at all.

There was one room that was a particular favorite of mine.  The room was bright - the walls light blue - and it was at the very end of the hallway.  The artists were European from the 19th century.  I've decided to post a few here today.  Take a moment to ponder each one.  There is nothing I could say that would say more than the artists strokes themselves.

Vashti Refuses the King's Summons, Edwin Long RA.  Long is also known for a portrait of Queen Esther and the Babylonian Marriage Market.

Martin Luther Discovering Justification by Faith, Edward Matthew Ward

The Martyrdom of St Perpetua and St Felicitas, Felix Louis Leullier


I came away from this room with the determination that making the right choice could mean you lose everything.  That there is more to this life then my will and my plan. And that there is something worth dying for.  Each of the people represented in these paintings were suddenly given a choice - the decisions they made in turn changed each of their lives forever.  I pray that when the time comes - the choice I make will reveal the person of Jesus Christ at work in my life. What does the Lord require? to do justice, to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God.